I've Upped My Standards.

(Read 12 orsell your soul)

Subject:	Goiter Juice
Time:	3:32 am.
Music:	Born Against Nail That Sticks Up.

In recent months I haven't been very good at keeping up with movies, and it seems

hypoxia and I rarely go out to the Theater to see them. It's time-consuming, costly and there haven't been too many releases that seemed worthy of it all. Personally, I don't see the point of going to a theater for something that isn't an eye-popping, big-budget extravaganza. The difference between seeing a drama for nine bucks on the big screen and waiting for it to come out on video when you can see it for three bucks is six bucks, and that's quite a bit to me.

We rented I Am Legend. Growing up, the Richard Matheson story was one of my all-time favorites, and it still is. Many of my dreams revolve around its basic premise. I was curious to see how they handled the subject matter, particularly taking into consideration the campy Charlton Heston version from 1971 (The Omega Man) and the crappy 1964 Vincent Price version (The Last Man On Earth). This one wasn't much better.

They changed the story. WHY?! The story is fucking brilliant. And they changed it. Not in a good or clever way, mind you. Will Smith was great as Neville, and the CGI overgrowth of Manhatten was fabulous. But the creatures were all CGI as well, and looked just as fucking stupid and innocuous as the robots in that other Will Smith bomb, I, Robot. I was excited to find out what Faith No More frontman Mike Patton did with the creature vocals. The answer; not much. Overall, I really didn't like this movie. Instantly forgettable. If you haven't seen it, don't bother. Go read the book. It's still amazing.

We also watched the latest Harry Potter atrocity. I hated the first two but thought the third movie was pretty good. The fourth was a choppy mess. This one was more on par with the third. It elicited emotion out of me, which is more than I can say for the rest of the puerile series. Hermione is still walking around looking constipated, but Potter is asserting himself more and seems less like a dreadful pansy. Same goes for the ugly redhead. Not something I would have enjoyed watching alone but I was with my family so it was cool.

Then we watched The Mist. I read most everything Stephen King wrote while I was growing up. Of all his stories, this one was my favorite. I think I first read it in fourth or fifth grade. I can't believe it took this long to turn it into a movie but this was well worth the wait. The movie is almost flawless. It's exciting, filled with dread and has one of the bleakest endings I've ever seen. The creatures were gruesome, the fright-level was through the roof and the character interplay was phenomenal for a horror movie. If I were only allowed to rate it with five stars I'd still give it six. This is one of my new favorites.

hypoxia and I are good Americans. We haven't even received our government checks and they are already spent in an effort to "stimulate the economy." We bought a fifty inch flat screen television that will be delivered at some point late next week, and tomorrow we're going to pick up the armoire we chose to house the thing. I've always wanted an armoire. I love them. If I ever buy a house there will be an armoire in every room. Even the bathroom.

In other news, I have one week to go until I'm on vacation. I'm counting down the days, believe me.

(Read 3 orsell your soul)

Subject:	(w)Izzard of blahs
Time:	3:36 am.
Music:	Mouthfart You Know I'm Gonna.

I've seen a couple Eddie Izzard specials on the tube. He's British. And he apparently likes to cross dress for his stand up routines. But he isn't at all funny. In fact, during the two performances I've seen I think I laughed once. He's not very good at storytelling or making a joke, so I guess I just don't understand the draw. Is it just because he's a dude who proudly cross-dresses in front of people? Hey, give the guy a medal. But don't subject everyone to his pointless blatherings. As much as he interrupts himself, you tend to wonder if he's ever going to finish a thought, let alone make you laugh.

I guess it's just one of those things where there's some kind of irony in how not funny he is, or something. You accept that and you're in on the joke. I guess. I don't know. He's not funny. Period. But he's apparently playing here live May 27th and 28th at the State. So if you like to spend a lot of money and not be entertained, go see him.